I havent even looked at my last post but i know it was full of optimism and flowers and kitties.(*gag*)
I havent found someone, I havent even found myself at this point.
Dave was a man who has no idea what he wants and is chicken because of a divorce. I understand that he has issues, but he seems just like anyother guy i have dated since high school... they get extremely gung ho, love to be around you... live for you affection and then a couple of days later its done. he says that he never does second and especially not third dates because women always like him TOO QUICK and he' not ready for all that... okay, WHAT THE FUCK. I wasnt trying to marry him (he says that wasnt directed at me) I wanted to hang with him because he was fun, and because the chemistry was great. I realize that maybe I AM looking to fill the space that CHad left. I AM lonely, and I miss how he used to hold me, hold my hand, tell me he loved me like 10 times a day... it was nice, no it was great... and now i just want someone to appreciate me and make me feel better.
FUCK YOU chad for leaving me to deal with dating again, that issue was taken care of with you, i didnt ever have to worry about it again. I had someone who did exactly the things i needed. You called every morning and every night before i went to sleep, even if you had just left my house. you would call through the day and tell me how it was going... if you had something dangerous to do (like swing from the roof, you dumbass) you would tell me before and even put on that saftey harness even though you didn want to. I could call you whenever i wanted to check on you and tell you that i love you and not feel strange about it. you called when you said you would call. most importantly you LOVED ME NOT INSPITE OF MY SHORTCOMINGS, BUT BECAUSE OF THEM. It was unconditional.
Now i am left with a whole that you had filled, i am left with insecurites, with nothing.
I am doing the whole internet dating thing and it sucks... I dont want to go to clubs anymore in hopes of a hot guy because all they want is a one night stand, and believe me, if the sex is good i want it WAY more than once. Part of me is considering just going all out ho and sleeping with whomever i want. =) but at the same time, what good is sex without love?
I am talking to a couple of guys online that i am pretty attracted to, one is coming up from birmingham this weekend for dinner and going out afterwards... he is UNBELIVEABLY HOT... like you have no fucking idea how hot so there is always a consideration... i dont know... i think i am just really and truly pissed off about the whole david situation because we hit it off so well and now he is being a pussy (and i would have totally fucked him until i broke him)... oh well.
so is my life at the moment, work, internet and thinking about sex all the fucking time. YAY. GO ME