Well, in my last blog I talked about a jerk that obviously wasnt interested. well i was wrong.
I didnt e-mail him that day and the next i come home and there is this mail starting out " You didnt write me... SO, does that mean IM your stalker now?" No, it doesnt make you my stalker, it makes you someone who wants to see me too. Of course he writes a long e-mail just like we always do telling me all sorts of things... we have these involved conversations while talking about nothing at all =) in e-mails... well at the end he says he was thinking about friday and wondering if i was free because he wanted to go out.
Well of COURSE i said yes and started to make plans with him because he is FUN. I have spent alot of time thinking and realize what i said to him is true... Im too messed up to have complications, but want to have fun, but at the same time someone who cares for me and isnt going to let me down. I just want to go with the flow and have fun with him. I know tonight that we will.
I have had this conversation and dialogue in my head for the last few days about my stance on sleeping with him. I WANT TO MORE THAN ANYTHING... it has been a while since i have had sober sex (and it has been literally since the last time Chad and I made love) and I WANT HIM. We have plans tonight to go out, do dinner etc... but we got a hotel room. He lives and hour away from nashville and so do I... so its a logical step... but one that is a double edged sword. I would be able to be a good girl, and stop things before they went too far if we didnt have a room and i had to go home, but at the same time i want to be bad... so i think we know who will win. Most girls keep up this game of not sleeping with someone you want to (and want to stay monogamous with) because its too early and you want to hook them. its something that you really have to consider because while guys say they wont date a girl they sleep with on the first date.... the do it anyway and its okay for them... bullshit... so i say in this situation i am going to be straight with myself and just do what i really want to do... and he can make up his mind from there. I am not looking to tie him down in some serious relationship, i just really would like to date someone and be able to sleep with them too without it being a "fuck buddy"
AND I know he has alot on his mind and i think it would be cool to have a somewhat serious converation tonight... we always talk about cool things, but getting to know a little bit deeper about him would be nice... and vice versa. There are things i want to tell him about Chad. I know that sounds stupid, but because of his divorce hes hurting too, and it seems like sharing stories help. Now lord knows i dont want to totally spill my guts because that wouldbe grotesque... but hey a girl needs to vent right?
NOT TO MENTION that i am going NUTS wanting to buy a new car. Mine is paid off and has been for 2 years (and its a 98... go me) but i am going to be making a bit more and would be able to afford it... I really really really want a Lexus is300 in the reflex yellow.... black leather interior... BUT its going to run me about a 400 car payment every month... while at the same time, if i buy a brand new acura nsx it will be more like 325... hey, thats coctails during the week difference *haha*... BUT i have to wait... (always a catch) and you always catch car fever before it is feasible... I need to wait 1. for my tax return 2. for my insurance to need to be renewed in may for this car... dont want to have to wait for a rebate/prorate. AND it will give me a bit of time to save some money for a big down payment ,lowering my payments even further.
ADD this on top of boy-central and its just ASKING for a new syndrome.... female psycho stupidity baldness.... OR FPSB syndrome.... I am going to totally corner the market on that one... good lord. I give up..
On a better note, i am not crying today, im not being psycho, and i am in a fairly good mood... so here I come..
OH and it doesnt hurt that I am probably going to get some really good booty tonight (and hopefully tomorrow morning)