It is as it probably always will be. I miss you. I think about you all day. I think about you all the time. I see flashes of your face in my car when you would look at me and say "baaaby, I luuve you". Those stupid faces you would make... the way you would hold my hand.
How do you say goodbye to the love of your life when you never got to actually say goodbye? HOw do you stop thinking about and missing the one person who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. How do you reconcile your heart over your lover who took their own life?
I have been listening to "bloodflowers" by the cure all day. To me its our "first date" cd. My stupid test... to be playing the cure and seeing if you a. knew it b. liked it c. hated it.... you both knew it and loved it. even the obscure stuff.... I was gone even at that moment. What am i saying... i was gone the first night i spent talking to you.
You just love me. thats the only thing i can say that makes so much sense. you LOVE Me. you arent here but you still love me and i feel that. It just really blows because you arent here to tell me, to show me... to be my best friend. You arent here to tell me how beautiful i am... or to yell at me for being such a priss... you arent there to scare the total shit out of me when i walk by you. you arent here to sit at the box with me and split a pitcher.
I have been really sad lately. I want to get married baby. I want to have this wedding thats beautiful and original, and i want to have a stupid joint bachelor/bachelorette party like carmen and dave (dont ask... its stupid) I want a husband that is as sick and twisted as i... someone to share all the great AND all the dark things.... I want to marry YOU. I want to have a family with YOU and I cant.
I miss you chad. I just miss you so much.
I want to see you again.
I just miss you